Infertility Does Not Go Away


If you’ve been dealing with infertility for some time and have finally gotten pregnant, you’ve likely figured out that you’re just not the same as a “normal” pregnant woman. Most who’ve been through the struggles and have come out on the positive end of the whole deal – with a happy, healthy baby – understand that being a pregnant infertile woman is way different than being a woman who was able to conceive at the drop of a hat, as the saying goes.

infertility does not go awayFirst, there’s the paranoia. While it’s true that every woman worries at one time or another about losing her baby, it’s worse for those who’ve had to try extra hard and endure difficult treatments or other measures to get pregnant. To that woman, a loss would be emotionally devastating…and sometimes financially devastating as well.

When you’re an infertile pregnant woman, every little twinge you experience – especially in the first trimester – means you’re losing that precious life inside of you. A pain, a little nausea, extreme tiredness…any of that has you convinced that something’s happening to your baby.

You’re in a constant state of worry.

And, often, because you were constantly jacked up on hormones before the pregnancy, you really don’t feel any different. You DON’T feel pregnant! That makes it even worse because you want to feel different.

Of course, when you reach that 2nd trimester, the one that everyone tells you is the easiest, you figure that gnawing worry will go away. But it usually doesn’t.

It’s now that you’re pregnancy becomes noticeable, so your friends and acquaintances that you didn’t tell will now know your secret…and they’ll start treating you like a “normal” pregnant woman, which you’d love to be but you’re not.

They’ll ask if you want to know the sex of your child. Do you tell them you could give a damn whether it’s a girl or boy? How about if they ask you if you decorated the nursery yet? Do you tell them that you’ve been so frightened that the pregnancy won’t stick that you haven’t even thought about buying a crib let alone choosing a color scheme for the walls?

And then, of course, you’ll start getting worried about feeling the baby move. Is he/she moving too much? Not enough? What does it mean if you feel no kicks for a few days? All of that adds to the paranoia and can make you crazy. All that kicking – or lack of – winds up not being all that joyful for an infertile pregnant woman.

And don’t think the trauma of hearing about someone else’s pregnancy will no longer exist. It’s still difficult to hear about someone who was able to get pregnant immediately upon trying. You’re happy for them, of course, but you experience a sort of post-traumatic stress episode that takes you back to all the struggles of trying to get where you are now.

And you really don’t want to go to anyone’s baby shower.

But still, infertility IS your normal and you’ll need to do whatever it takes to make friends and family understand that. If you have to tell them not to ask certain questions, then tell them. If you have to ignore the queries of virtual strangers, don’t answer or buck up and tell them it’s none of their business.

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, even if it makes you seem rude or inconsiderate or uncaring. You and your baby are the only thing that matters right now.

And, remember, you might never be normal, but you and your baby will be extraordinary!

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